I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize