I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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