i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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