K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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