The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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