I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please come you make the beer taste better
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
