didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
