If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
