Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
