Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
