some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
