Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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