I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your tits are I can't wait for
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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