Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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