why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
