he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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