he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
