Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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