I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
