What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Panties = found
Randomize
