My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
