dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
