They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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