I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
