I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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