They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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