So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
