apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
