Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
there is glitter all over my balls
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