It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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