I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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