I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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