Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
