I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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