ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
