Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
