I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
