fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
