Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
