Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
