Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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