During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
