you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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