Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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