omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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