she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
