I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
