do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
