Rock
Scissors
Fuck
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
