Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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