I am full of burrito and curiosity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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