I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
