Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm always down for nudity.
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