hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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