What did we do last night that was yellow?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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