Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
