I hate all girls vehemently.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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