CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
