I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
