I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
True strength comes from lack of pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
