yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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