I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
