Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
