dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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