i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
