Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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