someone threw a dead crab at me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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